Gonna miss him so much

I am so in love with a guy name EDWARD CAMINS. We have known each other for 4 years, but get into as a couple for nearly 3 years. He maybe have lots of weaknesses and especially his status, but i do love him.

Although I love him, i don't trust him 100%. I just can't put all my trust in him. Because he is far away from me, and i am afraid if i trust him with all my heart, that i myself get into pieces and unable to get up.

We may sometimes very boring couple, may be due to LD nothing to go. But we will try to manage our precious moment to be together. I thank the GOD almighty for bless our relationship, and both of us hope our way of life is according to HIS will.

Another 1 1/2 year he will finish his study, and there will i know how my future with him. I do hope there's future for us, and all my love ones are able to accept him just the way i accept him.

Serve with ur heart.....

I feel like the more i i want to get close to HIM, the more challenge and devils try to poison my mind. But i believe in pray the rosary. Though it takes time for my brother to tell his own feeling, but i really have faith in it. With my mum's sickness coming back, i believe there's a reason behind it. As i grow gracefully with my age, my ways of thinking and serving had changed little by little.

I am only a human beings that full of sins and need forgiveness for my heavenly father. But as HE say, to follow his will, dun worry 'bout tomorrow, i am still trying very hard to do it. I need to grow my faith and know the purpose of my serving in the church. Is it because i am boring in LD?? is it i'm the chosen 1?? or will i continue to serve wherever i may be??

1st, i need to know my main serve in the church. If i haven't find the answers, seek and u will find, knock and it will open your heart. There are many people who had serve in the church, but as time goes by, not every1 can continue and some even had forgotten the church. But, will i be 1 of them?? I certainly hope that i won't be like that. Need to find the main reason serving, then i'll know, i won't fall so easily.

Just continue to have faith and hope in him. The most importantly, to pray daily so that HE can show me the way.

EMOTIONAL AND SENSITIVE...

My hubby told me dat, i am very sensitive and emotional lately..Is it b coz he's not around wit me?? No, i dun think so!! It's just dat i take thing seriously. Wanna do things perfect, to change my self more better and a lot...If i am not gonna change again...i'll look old....my gudness....

Evry morning, i put a smile on my face...and dun take thing seriously (but it's all depend on the situation) Emotional...yes..smtimes i can't control it. Maybe or I must start 2 handle my emotion and pray to HIM to guide me in my evry day living...

I dun want 2 think a lot...dun want 2 take things seriouly, and dun want 2 be so so so sensitive!! It's not healthy and i'm gonna look very old sooner...i am just 25!! I dun want people say i look like 30.....NO WAY... Put a smile..in evry thing i do...dun olwez cry, for my eyes will look sadden all the time...^__^

Thanks hubby for gv me a spank 2 open my mind...I am not gonna be so sensitive anymore...wat happen...just happen..for dat is GOD's will...AMEN...

DYA..HERE WE GO....

7 March 2010..dis is the date dat i am going 2 remember for the rest of my life....!!! Y?? b coz, it's the launching of DYA, logo and youth's prayer!! I am so proud of myself for being part of the 1st DYA of diocese s'kan, and if 1 day i may not serve in youth anymore, i will olwez remember dis date, a history had been marked and will document for the whole year through, and if 1 day i go back 2 my heavenly father, it will remain a history and for the new generation 2 reflect back.

I am so proud b coz it was held in my hometown SANDAKAN. This is where i've been baptized and confirmation, and i never thought dat GOD called me 2 serve in the youth, or at church. since dis is the way, he showed me, i will try 2 walk according 2 his way. and if 1 day, i fall. i knw dat i have frens dat can pick me up and going through all the challenges dat we might be facing....

I luv HIM a lot..when i was so much into thinking 'bout my life, financial, my relationship, he showed me the way to walk his will. I can feel him, with the holy spirit. Thnk you LORD for being inside me. I know there's a lot of challenges dat i am going 2 face, but with ur guardian angels and the holy spirit 2 guide me, i believe dat i can go through it. AMEN.

Lent season

hi blog...sorry forf neglect u for almost 1 month. although i olwez online, but i forgotten 2 update my blog....by the way, month of Feb chinese new year, buzy collect my ang pao...hahahaha....and prepare for parish youth recollection, and there's so much dat i want 2 think until i got my headache.....hehehe....

dis weekend, my JAVAS frens are going 2 Manila, i want 2 go, but my financial is unstable, i've beem through all the obstacles when u dun have any money left, then i took risk using my credit card, in the end, i owe a lot. luckily, GOD show me the way, and i took out some KWSP money 2 pay all the debt...and left only 2000....i do hope my hand and my heart won't buy things dat unnessaryly....jealous them going there...yeah..i agree...but seriously, my financial stable just started 2 b stable, if i go there again, what happen if i have emergency?? or my laptop and my car gv me headache?? do i want 2 ask from my parents?? no...of course not....except i am in the middle emergency dat i really2 need money, then i ask from them....

my parents 2 achieve 2day financial stable, had long way 2 go, i remember my father took part time job just 2 feed us, my mum owe people's money, i saw them going through there, and i dun want 2 go through what had my parents go through, then i have 2 start keep my money, and buy only the important things, if i have extra, then i can buy what i want the most.

2 have a steady financial is very difficult, and 2 have even more too have difficulty. but i would like 2 have a shot 2 go for direct selling, i just want 2 try. But only with GOD's will, materialistic not gud, but if u just want extra, y not?? Guide me Lord according 2 ur will.....amen....

MONTH FEBRUARY....

Yuhuuu....end of charity dinner!! After 4 months of preparation, finally it was a blast dinner on 30 JAN. Dance wit brother stanley, eating, make-over, and most of all i won lucky draw. although that ticket was bought by my uncle, but i was the 1 chose which ticket were my uncle's ticket. I wrote down my name, and never thought that the ticket got the lucky draw. I won a handphone. Since my nokia hp is getting worst, it was a pleasant and surprising that i can exchange my hp. hahaha....

1 thing for sure was, i've been invited 2 become 1 of the committe member, but i dun want 2 be part of it. but anyway, i was the receptionist on dat nyt. happy, happy, njoy, njoy, dat's all i can say.

The best thing 'bout february is dat valentine's day!! And my hubby is coming back 2 attend his anty's funeral. Though he will only b here for 3 nyts, and i know dat he will be very busy, but at least i can be with him for this 3 nyts and celebrate pre-valentine wit hubby. hehehe....(*_*)

If this is the road that both of us have to take, then we take it. s long s he is in my heart, gonna take this long and full of challenges road to walk through it. Coz i believe and have faith in my LORD dat HE too will take this road along with both of us. He will never leave us alone to take this road. AMEN.

3 nyts, i'm gonna spend my 72 hours wit u babe....mmuuaahh....

End Of January...

Yes...30/01/2010!! Finally after 3 months of preparation..the charity dinner has arrive! Evry1 in LD especially those who are involve in this dinner are excited, full of energy, and sm may get headache!! Hahahaha.....

The theme for dat nyt is back 2 yesteryears, but i dun think so dat my dress suits the theme. Nah, s long s i hv smthing 2 put on, not naked, b grateful wit it!! At least save my budget... :-) How i wish dat edward is wit me during dis dinner, unfortunately it is her late sister's 40th day prayer. Wow, so fast the time had passed dat i dun realise dat it's her 40th day.

How i wish and hope he is ryt here wit me. wanna hug him 2 comfort him. so then, gonna create new post again for the month February...hahaha.....end now my dis month blog, do hope for the best next month feb 2010...

Hoping and pray dat my father open his heart!

Hi blog..it's been a week i haven't update my blog!! Nothing special happen 2 me for the past 1 week!! I just called my mum dis morning...and s usual, my father told my mum 2 advice me not 2 hook up wit edward camins just b coz of his status!!

It was so devastating and hurt 2 hear dat from my father. I do luv him, but at the same time i luv edward too....I did watever i could 2 break up wit him, but the more we broke up, the more i luv him. For i really accept him wit all my heart, all his strength and weaknesses. I did blame GOD 4 let me fall in luv wit him. But after the retreat i realise dat wat i prayed all this while he had answered. Though he answered my prayer, of course the challenges is still there. 2 test our faith in him. I am so lucky and blessed dat my BF is a vary faithful person, he never blame GOD for wat HE prepared for him. He even advice me 2 put my faith n hope in my heavenly FATHER.

I do hv the faith and hope, but evrytime when my father say like dat 2 me, either 2 my mum or brother, i can get down very easily. For i dun want 2 hurt his feeling and will start 2 cry!! :-(
For i know, i forget 2 pray 2 my MOTHER MARY. i realised dat whenever i forget 2 pray, HE'll show me the sign. Pray anytime not pray when u r in trouble. Heavenly father, i am so sorry dat i forgotten u, and only remember when u show me the sign. Let me pray evry day of my life, whether i'm happy, tired or sad. For i believe HE WILL SHOW ME THE WAY!! Dad, i hope 1 day ur heart open 2 accept edward for who he really is, AMEN!!

MY RECOLLECTION AS DYA!!

Wow...what an opening week of 2010 for me!! I went for recollection in sandakan at retreat centre, mile 26. I went there with brother david(soon father david), rikkie and yusvina. At 1st, we were mad coz once we arrive there, the organizing committee hasn't arrive yet!! we were tired, hungry, and took half day leave just 2 be there! But luckily the purpose of this recollection is 2 be humble, patient and accept each other, we remain 2 keep silence and forget evrything. It's just a small mistake, evryone does it!!

We were appointed as the DIOCESAN YOUTH APOSTOLATE. I never thought of being part of this diocesan group, and more responsible for me 2 carry the cross dat my heavenly father gave me. This was my 1st recollection i have ever join since been in the youth team for nearly 2 years. I asked myself, why this isn't done back in lahad datu?? No wonder, i nearly fall apart and quit from serving in youth. we have never had this recollection in the past 2 years, and our team really had fallen apart and getting worst by accusing 1 another and even hate each other.

During this 2 nights of experience in sandakan, we were able to know ourselves, relationship with GOD, and each other. There are 4 parish in sandakan diocese, telupid, tawau, lahad datu and sandakan. there are 12 of us, just like in the bible, 12 disciples. hehehe.... we get 2 know each other, sharings, and b open our hearts 2 welcome all of them as our brothers and sisters / 1 family in DYA. oh...how happy i am, more frens, more activities and more outings...ahahaha

We laugh and talk, and get to know more of each other. It was so beautiful how GOD really present during our recollection, in this joyful moment. I just don't want this memory 2 slip away. But, in the future we might not know. So, be grateful and cherish dat we are still a 1 big happy family!!

Then, lastly during the meetings, i was appointed 2 become secretary DYA. I was speechless, and didn't reject at all. I accepted it with open heart. and that's mean, i need to learn more about secretary work, not just write down the minutes, typing, but there's a lot 2 learn 2 become a better secretary.

I really felt the blessings that HE had gave me. And HE really show me the way, and i walked according to HIS will. I believe that HE had prepared me a way that i have 2 follow and in the same time there will be a lot of challenges throughout my life. I hope and pray that I will not give up, forget HIM and accuse HIM for the trials that HE had prepared for me!! No matter, in realtionship, family, frens, work and more important, SERVE THE LORD. I hope i can cope up and do the best....AMEN!!

My weekend....

I'll be away from Lahad Datu this weekend....well at least i have smthing 2 do dis weekend or else i'll be wondering around, mad/trying 2 get my HUbby's attention!! hehehe....

Going for recollection at Ulu dusun in s'kan. I do hope i gain a lot during this recollection, especially my faith and hope in HIM. I know HE'LL show me the way, and walk through my life according 2 his will. But not 100% ryt?? At least, i live my life as Christian Catholic's way.

How perfect we want 2 be, we still a sinners and can't escape from doing wrongs. dat is y we need HIM in our daily life. and i started 2 forget 2 pray evry night b4 sleep, my Hubby must be mad at me. I'm sorry HAN!!

Edward's parents r coming 2 LD today, no chance 2 meet them since i'll b in s'kan, might goig 2 c them by next week. Chioa....adios....

My 1st monday year 2010....

What a day...My 1st monday of year 2010..i was thinking of my financial!! I am mad and piss off my self for not really properly manage my financial...and the beginning of year 2010..u see me BROKE!! stupid victoria....

well....money is not evrything in this world... luckily i have part time job and my salary evry month...i need 2 start savings and dicipline myself 'bout money....uuuwwwaaa.....y am i so stupid!! well....it's a lesson dat i need 2 learn...and i need 2 keep...SAVING LAH VICTORIA YAM!! SERVE U RYT!!

well...stop typing 'bout money...my edward camins!! hahaha...i really want him back soon!! He said dat i like 2 repeat and telling him the same things all the time...well....i need 2 change now!! takes time for me 2 chnge....but just dun change my heart...for i really had falling in luv wit him!! i'll b make sure dat month april he'll be here in lahad datu, and ryt beside me!!
yeah yeah yeah yeah....

Our 1st youth meeting 2day!! hahahaha.....wat a meeting...and i'm bored for no julie in there..life's really change!! ehm...i wonder what else will change this year. I do hope dat i have more frens to loittering around. fooling around, laughing around...evrything!! ehm...but i need 2 make the 1st move!!

plz.....i need frens 2 make me not boring, happy hour and laughing around!! uuuwwwaaa.... where can i find it!!! haaaaaaaaaa i feel like screaming......
help me..... stupid victoria...u urself dat have 2 take the 1st move...but how...my hubby's frens doesn't suite me and my frens doesn't suit him.....aaiiyyoo.....pening...migrain....

ok..tll then..dat's it for today!! g.nyt hubby...luv u...mmuuaahh.....

The opening year 2010.....

Opening year 2010!! What i hv 2 say?? My determination this year 2010 is
1) Keep Money
2) Serve The Lord according 2 his will
3) Build my relationship wit my hubby and all those surround me.

What had happen in year 2009 especially when comes to the end of it, really had open my eyes, my brain and my heart!! The year 2009 i saw my frens' father or mother had been called by Our heavenly father 2 come back 2 him. But i never thought that my HUbby's sister had been called. I cried and no mud 2 celebrate x'mas. Luckily i hv frens and family around me 2 comfort and support me. But i do hope that i can go there and been there wit my EDRWAD. but it was so suddenly, that i dun hv enough money and preparation 2 go there.

I do hope i can go there in her 100days, or 1 year anniversary. And i pray that my parents will allow me, if i told them earlier. But as my fren told me, dun blame GOD. For there's a reason why she been called that early. There's olwez a reason behind this situation.

Only time can heal the lost of our sister, daughter, and fren call EMILY CAMINS. I'm glad i dun hv the chance 2 meet her, or else, i really am mad, sad and emotionally can't concentrate or going my life. I'm really a sucker when comes 2 emotional, i'm very emotional.

Well, life must go on. And appreciate our life and our frens surround us. Forgive and forget all their wrongs. For we dun know when will the time, that GOd call us 2 come back 2 him. HE takes us without warning and signs. For we know and have 2 accept that, 1 day HE WILL call us back 2 him. It's just dat we dun knw when is the time.

APPRECIATE LIFE, ACCEPT ALL UR FRENS GUD AND BAD, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY PRAYERS!! THANK YOU FOR THE BLESSINGS OF MY LIFE.